I was told to work hard and get straight A’s to be happy
So, I did just that.
Spent hours on homework
Dismissed hangouts and gatherings
Just to make my homework look worthy
And I became the “nerdy” friend.
I was told to expand my social circle
And to make friends with everyone
So, I did just that.
Didn’t think of anything when they asked for homework
Cause who am I if not the girl with perfect scores?
Who am I if not the friend who helped with that damn crap?
And I became the “reliable” friend.
They told me I was too quiet and cold
That I needed to be warmer,
For people to like my “vibe”
So, I did just that.
I became louder in conversations
Learnt to have “fun” with friends
And put myself out there
But soon I realized that no one had really cared
Cause when my grades started dropping
And the smile I’d faked started fading
That’s when they asked “what happened?”
I listened to all your goddamn comments
Changed who I was, to be liked and accepted
To be loved and seen
I was so busy being what they wanted
That I forgot to be true to myself,
And now I don’t recognize who I am anymore,
That is what happened.
~illusions of belonging
07.02.2022
